Apostrophe crimes

Post by **jdaw1** » 15:50 Sun 24 Jun 2007

[url=http://www.theportforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=577#577]Here[/url] Conky wrote:Alan (The man who see's all the Cruz Bargains!)

[url=http://www.theportforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=446#446]Here[/url] Derek T. wrote:This bottling of Sandeman 1963 seems to be outliving it’s siblings.

Post by **jdaw1** » 15:56 Sun 24 Jun 2007

[url=http://www.theportforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=444#444]Here[/url] Derek T. wrote:Although enjoyable, I was disappointed in this wine given it’s provenance (purchased from Noval in VNG in 2005) and it’s hefty price tag.

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 16:51 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Surely you dont want everybodys apostrophe crime's shown in here. That way wed end up with a reams' of quote's which would just pis's the poor soul's off.

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 17:16 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I used to do my English Teachers head in as well! Only ended up with a C at English Languge O'Level, so she had a point!

So as well as needing a spellchecker on the Posts Tools we need a Grammer Check.

To be fair to Jdaw1, he did put it in the Meaningless Drivel Section.

Alan

Post by **DRT** » 18:45 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I plead guilty with no defence offered, apart from the weak mitigation stated below.

If Jdaw1 wishes to highlight my many apostrophie crimes that will appear here then I willl not be offendedn in any way.

As our last Prime Minister once said:

"Education, Education, Education, I wish we had thought of paying any attention to it in the state school system before now "

Out of interest, and to ensure Meaningless Drivel levels are maintained, I spent my first 3 school years being taught under a system known as ITA. This comprised a unique alphabet, based on our standard 26 letters, with the addition of extra characters to represent sounds such as oo, ee etc. So a key was a kee (with the two e's joined together). There were many other special characters and letter combinations, including backwards P's and upper case letters which were the same shape as our normal lower case cousins. As far as I remember there was almost no punctuation involved.

The outcome of this experiment is that almost all of the people subjected to this social experiment cannot spell or punctuate to this day. Can I just say now, Thanx too the Educasion Secreterie of the erly 197'0s, yoo maad speelchekin softwaer a nesescity

Der'ek

Post by **jdaw1** » 18:52 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Others were parodying, but this was careless:

[url=http://www.theportforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=583#583]Here[/url] Conky wrote:I used to do my English Teachers head in as well!

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 19:16 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I was trying to speak Chav.
I tried 'Uset', 'youst' and 'use't' but wasn't sure they sounded correct phonetically. So I used the word 'used'.
Have you noticed how many apostrophe's I'm getting in this one.

Alan

Post by **DRT** » 19:25 Sun 24 Jun 2007

OK - I'm taking a big risk here, but I think jdaw1 was refering to the fact that the head belonged to the Teacher so the possesive rules apply to the "Teacher's head"

Go on jdaw1, blow me out of the water

Derek

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 20:10 Sun 24 Jun 2007

If your theory is correct, wouldn't it be

Teachers' head and not teacher's head

Over to Professor of English....Jdaw1

Alan

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 20:15 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Teacher's head or Teachers' heads

Post by **jdaw1** » 21:33 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Multiple teachers would have ‟teachers’ heads” (unless many teachers were sharing a single head). Let’s not go there.

Post by **DRT** » 21:43 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Does that mean I was right?

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 21:49 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Coincidence, Derek, coincidence.

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 21:52 Sun 24 Jun 2007

Did you stipulate the number of heads any of the Teachers had??? No!

So its a draw.

Alan

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 21:59 Sun 24 Jun 2007

If a teacher had more than one head, as many of mine did, then it would be "Teacher's heads". Although many teachers were of one mind they tended to have their own bonces to share it amongst, hence "Teacher's Head" for one teacher or "Teachers' Heads" for multiple teachers.

Can't see a case for "Teachers' Head" unless we are talking about Mr Lofthouse, the PE teacher, and his reputation with the French mistresses in the apparatus room

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 22:53 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I hope they call you for Jury Duty. That sort of logical astuteness could be vital in reaching a verdict, in an otherwise complex case!

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 22:58 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I offered to sit on the jury for Mr Lofthouse as it happens.

Post by **DRT** » 23:35 Sun 24 Jun 2007

I've been on jury duty - it was a blast - I decided the guy was banged to rights the minute he stuck his little Chav head over the wall of the dock.

However, my opinion became somewhat irrelevant when it transpired he had mugged the grandmother of a very senior policeman

A very entertaining week

Derek

Luc · Post by **Luc** » 20:43 Mon 25 Jun 2007

This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .

Post by **DRT** » 22:27 Mon 25 Jun 2007

Luc wrote:This is definitely verbal diahrea . . .

But you have to admit it is diahrea of the highest quality

Conky · Post by **Conky** » 22:31 Mon 25 Jun 2007

What is 'diahrea' ?

Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?

Post by **DRT** » 22:39 Mon 25 Jun 2007

Conky wrote:What is 'diahrea' ?

Is it when diarrhea starts to fall apart and gets all jumbled with letters missing?

diahrea is the same as diarrhea only it exists in a parallel universe

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 09:56 Tue 26 Jun 2007

It is spelled DIARRHOEA, unless you are American, in which case you can drop the O.

Post by **DRT** » 10:54 Tue 26 Jun 2007

Perhaps if we changed the name of this area from Meaningless Drivel to Verbal Diarrhoea we would all remember how to spell it?

Derek

KillerB · Post by **KillerB** » 11:00 Tue 26 Jun 2007

Likewise I could call it Antidisestablishmentarianists' Corner.

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