Chocolate Box waxing, wooden-style

[jdaw1]

I recently devised and successfully a variant waxing technique for bottles, the Chocolate Box. It worked as follows.

1. Find a chocolate box.
2. With matrimonial assistance, eat all the chocolates.
3. Yes, this really is that genius: “Darling, I have some bottles to wax, please would you help eat these fabulous expensive chocolates?”
4. Check that all the chocolates have been eaten. It is very very important that all the chocolates have been eaten, with gusto and matrimonial assistance.
5. Draw a circle on underside of box, approximately the same size as the bottle’s neck.
6. With a sharp knife, cut neck-sized hole in the (empty!) chocolate box.
7. Fit box over bottle’s neck.
8. Pour a beer. Maybe have a second beer bottle within easy reach.
9. You idiot! Why only two beer bottles?
10. Melt wax, while drinking the beer.
11. Pour the wax over the part of the bottle protruding through the hole in the floor of the (otherwise empty!) chocolate box.
12. Wait for the poured wax to slightly cool, then pour another layer.
13. Allow some further cooling, ideally while re-quality-assuring the beer.
14. Cut the wax just above level of box, to have a neat edge.
15. Cut the box, such that it can be removed sideways.
16. Look around, realise error — what fool would have thought three bottles of beer to be anything like sufficient? — and remedy.

This thread is to propose a variant to the variant, and hopefully to persuade a carpentry-skilled Port aficionado to do magic.

There is to be a wooden box, say 15cm by 15cm, with an edge, a rim, about 2cm to 4cm high. The floor of this box is to have a neck-size hole in the centre. The cut the whole thing in half; hinge one side; and put a clasp not he other side.

To use one opens the box, puts grease-proof paper on each side, and closes around the neck of the bottle. The grease-proof paper is to assist recovery of excess wax. Then melt wax; drink; pour wax; drink; allow to cool; drink; pour more wax; drink; around the lower neck cut the wax neatly; drink; unclasp box and remove it; drink; put the excess wax back into the pot in which melted; drink.

Please suggest improvements, criticisms, etc.

[PhilW]

Different bottles will have slightly different size necks. You will need to create sufficient range of holes of the right size for the range of bottles you are rewaxing. You may accidentally cut some of the holes too large while attempting this, so should ensure you have additional boxes in case. A dozen boxes, emptied with matrimonial assistance, might suffice.

[Christopher]

Could you please post some pictures so I can visualise the instructions

many thanks