ThePortForum.com

Have I commited a faux pas? A few moments ago, while getting ready for our second party of the weekend, I expressed to my better half how my ideal Saturday night would go.

1) Of course, spending the evening with her, gazing at her adoringly during all my waking moments.
2) And a very distant second and only when she is busy, of course, would be spending my evening with my port chums drinking our favourite beverege.
3) When neither she nor my port chums are available, staying in and drinking some purple sunshine myself while chatting online to my port chums.
4)....

...
112) Going to yet another party of some friend of a friend whose daughter was 18 last week. Another 5 hours of my life I will not get back and which have not been spent drinking port.

My wife now seems not to be talking to me. Have I commited a domestic faux pas?

AHB wrote:My wife now seems not to be talking to me. Have I commited a domestic faux pas?

No. Your wife is being completely unreasonable. You should threaten to withdraw champagne rations until more reasonable behaviour is demonstrated.

Or just do what any normal bloke does and go to the party pretend to enjoy yourself and then drink some Port when you get home to dull the pain.

DRT wrote:

AHB wrote:My wife now seems not to be talking to me. Have I commited a domestic faux pas?

No. Your wife is being completely unreasonable. You should threaten to withdraw champagne rations until more reasonable behaviour is demonstrated.

Or just do what any normal bloke does and go to the party pretend to enjoy yourself and then drink some Port when you get home to dull the pain.

What he said. Except might I recommend putting some Port into a small container, such as a grape flavored Gatorade bottle (so color matches), and enjoy some Port during the party to dull the pain.

What is needed is for the wife to believe that the husband has little tolerance for small talk, and if subject to it might become a less than perfect guest. Such a husband would be banned from small-talk parties, forbidden from attending, and encouraged to go elsewhere with chums.

I know of what I write.

This is how to commit a proper domestic faux pas:

Woman: Should we have a party for child's birthday that Saturday?

Man: Hmmm? That's the weekend I'm in Portugal so you would have to cope yourself.

Woman: Oh! Are you going to Portugal? When do you leave?

Man: Eight days before child's birthday.

Woman: {not suitable for family viewing}

Perhaps the child's birthday could be held in Portugal? I'm sure the child and their friends would be made welcome at the Yeatman.

Oh the shock! The horror!

Mr Bridgeman, I'm appalled. I'm with the wife. She should still not be talking and conversing with you. She has my FULL support. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, send her to me. I'll comfort her.

Shame on you.

SCP-DFF (AKA Mrs Wiseman).

Moral: I have trained my wife very well. You have not trained my wife at all.

Arguably, this is good.

DRT wrote:This is how to commit a proper domestic faux pas:

Woman: Should we have a party for child's birthday that Saturday?

Man: Hmmm? That's the weekend I'm in Portugal so you would have to cope yourself.

Woman: Oh! Are you going to Portugal? When do you leave?

Man: Eight days before child's birthday.

Woman: {not suitable for family viewing}

Is Woman 'child's' mother or current partner?!

DRT wrote:This is how to commit a proper domestic faux pas:

Woman: Should we have a party for child's birthday that Saturday?

Man: Hmmm? That's the weekend I'm in Portugal so you would have to cope yourself.

Woman: Oh! Are you going to Portugal? When do you leave?

Man: Eight days before child's birthday.

Woman: {not suitable for family viewing}

Wait, how come I get the feeling that this actually happened to poor Mr T? Is SCP-DFD talking to you at all? Oh dear. Good luck with that. You're on your own with this one. Even if I tried to comfort her, she'd just shake her head, roll her eyes, and insist she must battle this one on her own. That's how ugly it is.

You see.

-SCP-DFF.

I couldn't possibly comment on a hypothetical situation such as this.

SCP-DFF wrote:Oh the shock! The horror!

Mr Bridgeman, I'm appalled. I'm with the wife. She should still not be talking and conversing with you. She has my FULL support. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, send her to me. I'll comfort her.

Shame on you.

SCP-DFF (AKA Mrs Wiseman).

I protest! Surely item 1 gets me off the hook?

Anyway, DRT's approach worked. While holding a bottle of Krug, I threatened to withhold Champagne rations. She is now talking to me again. We're working on moving past monosyllable replies...

DRT wrote:This is how to commit a proper domestic faux pas:

Woman: Should we have a party for child's birthday that Saturday?

Man: Hmmm? That's the weekend I'm in Portugal so you would have to cope yourself.

Woman: Oh! Are you going to Portugal? When do you leave?

Man: Eight days before child's birthday.

Woman: {not suitable for family viewing}

DRT has been very quiet since this post...

AHB wrote:DRT has been very quiet since this post...

I'm hiding on top of a hill in the Lake District. Do you think it's safe to come down yet?

DRT wrote:

AHB wrote:DRT has been very quiet since this post...

I'm hiding on top of a hill in the Lake District. Do you think it's safe to come down yet?

Perhaps best to go directly to London?

AHB wrote:

DRT wrote:

AHB wrote:DRT has been very quiet since this post...

I'm hiding on top of a hill in the Lake District. Do you think it's safe to come down yet?

Perhaps best to go directly to London?

I am now in London. Thanks for the advice

Phew! I was starting to feel doubtful of your situation, DRT. Good to know that you can now de-stress (if you're in any emergency need) and duck into any nearby pub for a pint. And since I have discovered and now know that there are a lot of pubs in London, this brings me a sense of peace.

AHB, are you in London too? Sorry for not know where your home-base is. Perhaps you could find Mr T and join him so you too are able to de-stress. See, I'm confident that my husband can always de-stress when needed. He's now much more of a calm-cool-and-collected guy, now that he lives in London.

That makes me feel at peace knowing he can find some catharsis at any time. He has no reason to complain now.

SCP-DFF wrote:Phew! I was starting to feel doubtful of your situation, DRT. Good to know that you can now de-stress (if you're in any emergency need) and duck into any nearby pub for a pint. And since I have discovered and now know that there are a lot of pubs in London, this brings me a sense of peace.

AHB, are you in London too? Sorry for not know where your home-base is. Perhaps you could find Mr T and join him so you too are able to de-stress. See, I'm confident that my husband can always de-stress when needed. He's now much more of a calm-cool-and-collected guy, now that he lives in London.

I am about an hour outside London, but have to go in about once per week. I will do my neighbourly duty and try to find Mr T when I'm in town tomorrow. It may be a challenge since I don't know which pub he will be in but when I friend is in need I will visit every pub in London if I have to.

SCP-DFF wrote:That makes me feel at peace knowing he can find some catharsis at any time. He has no reason to complain now.

And indeed he never does. Except when complaining about having to be away from you and the children. He never stops complaining about that of course.

AHB wrote:

SCP-DFF wrote:That makes me feel at peace knowing he can find some catharsis at any time. He has no reason to complain now.

And indeed he never does. Except when complaining about having to be away from you and the children. He never stops complaining about that of course.

I can confirm this. I can't begin to count the number of nights I have had to console a sobbing JDAW as he crys into his pint of London Pride and eats his steak and marowbone pie wishing he was at home with his beloved Supreme Commander. It is a painful yet heart-warming sight.

Awww nebs.

I'm thoroughly relieved that my hubby has such good chums to console him and to also try to keep his mind off of his "tall-slinky-chiropractor-ess".