Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

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djewesbury
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Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

Hello. I'm back, in a slightly leaner format; management in the home office decided to restructure and the upshot has been a de-merging of most major operations. I expect to have much more time to spend in the cellar.

I'm afraid I lost my TNs of the New York tasting. So the mystery of that great event will be preserved. However I will look through some of the other TNs I have in a pile here and see whether any of them are worth posting.
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AW77
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by AW77 »

Hurray, Daniel is back. :D
The Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt know thy Port
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DRT
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

Welcome back :D
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

Thank you. Now please could someone slay the fatted pork pie?
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DRT
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:Thank you. Now please could someone slay the fatted pork pie?
I'm not allowed. Like the Giant in the land atop the beansprout my Life Coach has awoken from his slumber and is asking difficult questions about what happened to all his eggs. I am about to be put on a strict regime of non-food food and non-alcoholic alcohol. It was described to me at great length yesterday as "Juice only" and the detailed description mentioned kale :crying:

I did not see any mention of Pork Pie qualifying as juice.
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

We can speak about this in Belfast over some :ahem: kale and fruit juice.
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DRT
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:We can speak about this in Belfast over some :ahem: kale and fruit juice.
Gotcha :wink:
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
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jdaw1
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by jdaw1 »

djewesbury wrote:a de-merging of most major operations.
Should this be a cause of commiseration or congratulation?
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by jdaw1 »

djewesbury wrote:We can speak about this in Belfast over some :ahem: kale and fruit juice.
I did 3½ days. You need to do 30. My wife is about to instruct you to watch Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead: prepare an entertaining response.
JDAW, in an email to DRT, wrote:Last year I was a good life coach, partly because I led by example. So far this year, not so much.

Today, Saturday 13th, is the third day of a four-day juice-only diet, which my wife describes as a ‘cleanse’. (Huh? I shower twice a day.) The rules for such masochism are as follows.
• Start with food-free food.
• Process to remove any traces of food that might accidentally have contaminated the food-free non-food†.
• Drink the doubly-food-free anti-food.
• Do not eat anything else, especially not anything that might satisfy or taste good.
• No Port. No wine. No sherry. No Madeira. No beer. No gin-and-tonic. Just no. And no cashews while not drinking any of these things.
• Scowl.
• If the children are within hearing distance refrain from using phrases resembling “—ing miserable”.

You do not need to do exactly this. But you are a tub of lard whose tubbiness needs to become less 600cl-imperial and more 75cl-single. Do something, mostly by doing less of something in particular.

And consider yourself to have been led by example.

— Julian ‘no longer just fat, now fat and grumpy’ Wiseman.

† Today’s lunch-time poison included kale. Really, kale?! I am not a girl. Do not call me Caitlyn.
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

jdaw1 wrote:
djewesbury wrote:a de-merging of most major operations.
Should this be a cause of commiseration or congratulation?
At this point, commiserations are acceptable.
Your second point is not answered as it seems to be off-topic. Could I propose we move it to a new thread entitled 'Life-Coach Bullying'? Perhaps it could be linked to Alcohol and Health.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:
djewesbury wrote:a de-merging of most major operations.
Should this be a cause of commiseration or congratulation?
At this point, commiserations are acceptable.
Your second point is not answered as it seems to be off-topic. Could I propose we move it to a new thread entitled 'Life-Coach Bullying'? Perhaps it could be linked to Alcohol and Health.
Or we could change the thread title to "Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker, the Absent Life Coach and their Lard Friend? Or, more concisely, "Three Men, No Pork Pie"?
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:
jdaw1 wrote:
djewesbury wrote:a de-merging of most major operations.
Should this be a cause of commiseration or congratulation?
At this point, commiserations are acceptable.
Your second point is not answered as it seems to be off-topic. Could I propose we move it to a new thread entitled 'Life-Coach Bullying'? Perhaps it could be linked to Alcohol and Health.
Or we could change the thread title to "Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker, the Absent Life Coach and their Lard Friend? Or, more concisely, "Three Men, No Pork Pie"?
"Three Men, No Pork Pie" sounds like a summer Hollywood flop, probably designed as a vehicle to boost the flagging career of the aged Macaulay Culkin.

EDIT: I like it. Sorry, I should have specified.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:"Three Men, No Pork Pie" sounds like a summer Hollywood flop, probably designed as a vehicle to boost the flagging career of the aged Macaulay Culkin.
So if Culkin is playing DJ and Mel Gibson plays DRT, does that only leave Russell Crowe playing JDAW in a homage to his role in A Beautiful Mind?
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:"Three Men, No Pork Pie" sounds like a summer Hollywood flop, probably designed as a vehicle to boost the flagging career of the aged Macaulay Culkin.
So if Culkin is playing DJ and Mel Gibson plays DRT, does that only leave Russell Crowe playing JDAW in a homage to his role in A Beautiful Mind?
Perfect casting, even if it exceeds the number of Australians that it is advisable to have in any film (albeit only by two). I have refrained from suggesting which leading actresses might be cast as the pork pie for fear of receiving an Administrative PM so early in my return to international drivel.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

djewesbury wrote:
DRT wrote:
djewesbury wrote:"Three Men, No Pork Pie" sounds like a summer Hollywood flop, probably designed as a vehicle to boost the flagging career of the aged Macaulay Culkin.
So if Culkin is playing DJ and Mel Gibson plays DRT, does that only leave Russell Crowe playing JDAW in a homage to his role in A Beautiful Mind?
Perfect casting, even if it exceeds the number of Australians that it is advisable to have in any film (albeit only by two). I have refrained from suggesting which leading actresses might be cast as the pork pie for fear of receiving an Administrative PM so early in my return to international drivel.
Why would this film need an actress to play a pork pie? There is no pork pie!
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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djewesbury
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by djewesbury »

Quite. ;)
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by jdaw1 »

Not all films need a love-interest side-story. An example of a film that didn’t is, err, Jaws.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by PhilW »

DRT wrote:I did not see any mention of Pork Pie qualifying as juice.
Do you own a blender? No pork pie slain here, though several delicious pork sausages. I seem to remember a (possibly apocryphal) tale of somebody liquidising Mars bars after their jaws had been wired to stop them over-eating. Good to see DJ back in da house; rock on.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by LGTrotter »

Good to have you back Daniel, glad you made it.

I think we have all been grieving your absence quietly, I have not felt such a universal sense of loss since Poldark finished.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by Alex Bridgeman »

Commiserations but welcome back. Are you still based in Belfast?
Top Ports in 2023: Taylor 1896 Colheita, b. 2021. A perfect Port.

2024: Niepoort 1900 Colheita, b.1971. A near perfect Port.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by jdaw1 »

djewesbury wrote:I will look through some of the other TNs I have in a pile here and see whether any of them are worth posting.
Please do post them all.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

jdaw1 wrote:Not all films need a love-interest side-story. An example of a film that didn’t is, err, Jaws.
I assume you missed the first 90 seconds of the film where the co-star ate the love interest?

Any rumour that I was involved in the liquidised, deep-fried Mars bar incident is pure speculation.
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
Ernest H. Cockburn
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by PhilW »

jdaw1 wrote:Not all films need a love-interest side-story. An example of a film that didn’t is, err, Jaws.
Also Alien/Aliens.
Rather than "three middle-aged men and a pork pie", perhaps "Attack of the killer pork pies" would be more appropriate.
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by DRT »

PhilW wrote:Rather than "three middle-aged men and a pork pie", perhaps "Attack of the killer pork pies" would be more appropriate.
Heretic!
"The first duty of Port is to be red"
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Re: Return of the Prodigal Port-drinker

Post by Alex Bridgeman »

PhilW wrote:
jdaw1 wrote: "three middle-aged men and a pork pie", perhaps "Attack of the killer pork pies" would be more appropriate.
That sounds like the book Jerome K Jerome would have written if he wasn't feeling quite so energetic.
Top Ports in 2023: Taylor 1896 Colheita, b. 2021. A perfect Port.

2024: Niepoort 1900 Colheita, b.1971. A near perfect Port.
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